Nautical Nonsense

24 Aug
Nautical Nonsense

Ahoy me hearties. I have been perusing my notebooks and journals and have come across some unseen gems that for one reason or another never got shared. The following one is from a prompt by T.A. Woods over at PenPaperPad. She wanted a story around April Fool’s Day (now you know how old this is). So rather than wait till next year, I am going to go ahead and share it now. Enjoy!
Nautical nonsense
Now while it is a known fact (or possibly just an over-used cliche) that pirates sometimes have a parrot on their shoulder, I refer not to a feathered variety but rather my B.I.R.D. 
What is this odd acronym you ask? Well, I’ll tell you just as I told my crew on the early spring day when they asked of me, “How do you seem to know when a battle is imminent and just who we might be up against, Captain?” 
“My dear and loyal crew, ’tis nothing for me with the aid of my trusty, all- knowing bird!”  

After the guffaws subsided and the pointing at my proud parrot upon my shoulder ceased, I continued. 
“I do not refer to the proud and loyal companion you see before you but to an electronic marvel that I utilize in my cabin. My B.I.R.D.”

B.I.R.D. stands for Bionic Intelligent Recon Device. 

 Sensing I had them just where I wanted them, I told them of the wonderful marvel. This electronic wizardry could see beyond the horizons to places unseen and report back coordinates, directions, strength of possible enemy fleets and even friend or foe status. 

One of my more educated crew seemed suspicious. They recalled on a recent shore leave seeing a device that was referred to as a G.P.S. “No, I assured them, this is no GPS unit. This device will accurately tell me the information I need to bravely travel forward.”

At this point they demanded to see this magical device so I had no choice but to herd them all into my cabin (which wasn’t too difficult seeing as how I have a small crew and a very spacious cabin) and reveal my secret. Upon throwing open the doors of the cabinet, they were astounded by…… 

(featured photo was supposed to be here but either I don’t know what I’m doing or WP hates me) (probably the first) 

 my B.I.R.D.,!! 

Glancing at the calendar on the wall of my cabin, they realized they had been fooled—a crew of fools on April Fool’s Day!! 

1 Comment

Posted by on August 24, 2015 in Random Wanderings


Tags: , ,

One response to “Nautical Nonsense

  1. The Regular Guy NYC

    September 5, 2015 at 4:50 am

    Nothing like pulling the leg of a ship of fools!


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