Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Shard of Glass In My Urethra

A Shard of Glass In My Urethra

At barely 5′ tall and too much weight for my height, I have also gone through the gamut of emotions, I’m not thin enough. I’m not pretty enough, I’m too old to be sexy and desirable.

Somewhere along the line I finally decided to own it! This is me world, take or leave it! And you know what happened? More people liked me because I liked me. Did I lose they weight? No. Did I change my body? No I changed my mindset and it set off a chain reation! Someone once said you can’t expect someone else to love you until you love yourself and I have had that proven to me!

A Buick in the Land of Lexus

In some ways, it’s harder to hate your body when you’re thin than when you’re overweight.

Besides your own body negative narrative, you invite hate from others who think you are being an indulgent first world bitch.

I have always loved food. The taste of it; the experience of it; preparing it as an act of love. Sharing it with friends; digging into a holiday meal with family.

It’s sensuous and sublime and one of the great experiences in life.

Unfortunately, I was also an emotional eater as far back as childhood. Food was a replacement for love and attention.

I was a super skinny kid, before it was chic to be skinny. I had a big butt and a flat chest and  I hated my lopsided, pear-shaped body. I cried shopping for jeans that fit. If they fit around my waist, I couldn’t pull them up over my ass.


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Posted by on June 21, 2017 in Uncategorized


I am a Terrible, Horrible, NoGood, Very Bad Person

Yes I  ripped off the title of a popular book and recent movie but it just goes to prove my point.

I am a terrible friend and family member. I have had friends (very close ones) and relatives with birthdays recently. Did I leave them a message, call them, send a card or in any small way acknowledge them? Nope, not at all!

I am a horrible mom. Dear darling son was in a Veteran’s Day parade (that’s how long ago I started writing this post) and I did manage to take a few pics and even 2 short videos. Did I post any of them  and share them with anyone else? Nope, not even close. November 14th was World Diabetes Day. Did I change my profile pic, like I usually do, or use the day to spread understanding and awareness? Nope, not a word!

I am no good. I don’t interact with friends and family on Facebook. Hell, I don’t even remember the last time I logged on. Just not interested. I ignore e-mails from groups that I am supposed to be in. I have read a few blog posts (very few) and “liked” them but went no further such as commenting or even bothering to  read others comments.

I am a very bad person. Being a pirate guarantees that but I must have done something beyond bad to alienate some people in my life. How else do you explain this. My dad and his wife made  a surprise visit to Florida so she could spend her birthday with her grandchildren. They stopped by my house first on the Friday before Veterans Day. I had the day off work but I had to work the next day. They stayed a little while then headed to her daughter’s house. I thought we would see or at least hear from them before they headed back to North Carolina on Monday but nope, just a FB message that they had made it safely home. I did manage to acknowledge that one.

I have a list of excuses I could use for not writing, blogging, reading, and interacting but that’s all they are—excuses. Yes I am working a real job and I had a lot of hours around the turkey day holiday and the following retail ridiculousness. But I have had plenty of days off to do whatever I wanted. Nothing like driving home the message that your Christmas is  going to be slim like watching other people spend hundreds and sometimes more dollars on the day after Thanksgiving. My PC died several months ago but not worried because I had my tablet and had actually gotten pretty good at typing on a touch screen. Then out of the blue the charging port went out so I broke down and took it to a local repair shop. That opened up a bigger bill because of a small crack in the corner of the screen that has been there for awhile. In order to do the job, they are going to have to remove the screen which means they have to replace the screen. Great, a simple repair job becomes a major one, just like that. I currently am working on a borrowed notebook style  laptop. I have never had a laptop so this is a totally new experience typing on a laptop keyboard but also learning how to use a touchpad and a touchscreen at the same time. This has resulted in some strange things happening and I have no idea what the hell is going on or how not to do it again.

So as we head into another holiday I would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and may your seas be calm and your sky’s blue.


Posted by on December 15, 2014 in Uncategorized


Alcohol is cheaper than therapy

Alcohol is cheaper than therapy

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to downplay or belittle anyone who seeks professional help. In my case, I don’t have the money to pay for it and I don’t have insurance to help with the cost. I don’t have anything seriously wrong, just the normal, everyday stress of gettin by and trying to do what’s best for my family. And besides, what kind of pirate would I be if I didn’t have rum?!?!

There have been times in my life where I have turned to alcohol to soothe, relax and just be able to back up and get some perspective. One particular instance sticks out in my mind. My father was getting married in North Carolina a few years ago. I was living in Florida, so I made arrangements to fly up for the weekend. (by myself, no hubby,,no kid!) My daughter and her boyfriend were going to drive out from Louisiana. My dad’s wife had two daughter’s from a previous marriage and her and my dad had a daughter together. The 4 of us girls were going to stay at their house and my daughter and boyfriend had a hotel room.

After the ceremony, all us girls took all the gifts and such back to the house. We were all just relaxing and me and my daughter went out on the pouch to talk. She admitted some serious things that had happened to her when she was younger. My ex-husband had gotten custody of her when we divorced. After that revealation, I went back in the house where the younger of my 2 step sisters preceded to start acting like she owned the place and I had no say so what so ever. After listening to her repeat several times “This is my momma’s house!!” I had had enough. I got up and told them I was going to the hotel with my daughter. She stated again whatever was on her mind with the phase, again about it being her momma’s house. The last thing I said before I left was “Don’t forget, it’s also my father’s house!!” The next morning my daughter was heading back home and the rest of us were supposed to go to a cookout at my step mother’s brother’s house and then the oldest step sister was going to give me a ride to the airport later in the day.

I got through the cookout, keeping my mouth shut and keeping to myself as much as possible. It had been a long, emotional weekend and I was mentally exhausted. The wedding had been a non-alcoholic affair and the only thing at the cookout was beer and I am not a beer drinker. I stayed just as long as I had to then got out of there as soon as I could. I knew I was going to get to the airport early but at this point I didn’t care. I wanted time to clear my head and upwind a bit. After checking in and making my way through security, my first thought was find what gate I needed to be at and the next thought was…airport bar. As I rode the escalator up to the terminal, I saw a sign come into view before I even reached the top….AJ’s Tavern. Maybe the universe was going to cut me some slack…..finally. I made a note of where I was and thought, find my gate, and come back here. As I stepped off the escalator and turned to my left, I was looking straight at the gate where I needed to be. Yes, the universe had decided I had had enough stress for the weekend, she was going to cut me some slack. And just across the concourse were the bathrooms! Bar, bathroom, gate!! I am in!!

Walking in I spied a guy with a Tampa Bay Bucs shirt. I said hi and asked if he was going to Tampa. (It was a direct flight.) He said yes and I said me too at which point he said “Might as well have a seat, they already announced there’s going to be a delay!” He was sitting at a high top table and offered me a seat. I ordered a Cap’t Morgan and settled myself down. There was another guy we struck up a conversation with at a table nearby. The three of us took turns watching each other’s bags during pee breaks and checking the departure board. Rounds were bought, laughs were had and everything was going great—–until they closed the bar! By this time it was late in the evening. I had already called hubby and told him I would call when we were leaving. It’s about an hour and a half drive to the airport so no reason for him to get there and sit around.

My two companions and I wandered our way to the gate. It seems the group waiting for this flight were the only ones in the airport! Finally we see a plane taxing up toward our gate. You could see everyone sitting up straighter, shuffling around, gathering up belongings. At this point we hear “Folks, we got good news and bad news. Good news is we have a plane, bad news is, we have no crew!” I guy stood up a yelled “I’ll fly the damn plane!” At this point, most of us probably would have let him! After another wait, we see a flight crew walking toward our gate! Finally! To the crews credit, they got everyone on and came around with the drink cart before we even left the gate. One of my companions was seated in the same row as me and the other directly behind. I was all for napping on my way home but a rum and coke appeared in my hand so what was I to do? I had two before the eyes slammed shut and my window became a pillow. Not passed out, just tired, worn out and wrung out.

Arriving in Tampa very, very late at night, my hubby took one look at me a asked if I had a buzz. Nope, completly drunk! He asked how long I had been at the airport. About 5 1/2 hours. Do you have any money left? Not sure, really not concerned about it at this point, take me home. Needless to say I slept the whole drive and woke up the next afternoon with a monster headache but it was all in the name of pirate adventure and coming to grips with demons.

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Posted by on August 1, 2014 in Uncategorized


The day they called my son a bully!

The day they called my son a bully!

My dear darling son is anything but a bully! He’s not an angel, he’s a typical boy but he is kind, caring, sensitive and funny, sometimes to a fault. He likes to make people laugh, even if it’s at him. He suffers from what dear darling hubby calls “bad choice of words”. He knows this because he himself suffers from it on occasion.

Son will say something trying to be funny and someone will take it the wrong way. Then he is extremely upset that he hurt someone’s feelings. I understand all the hoopla over bullying but don’t automatically label a kid before all the facts are in.

This particular incident involved a girl (doesn’t it usually?) in his 4th grade class. He made a comment that was supposed to be funny but it left this little girl in tears. My son got so upset, he also  cried. The teacher handled it beautifully. She made such an influence on him that year that he still keeps in touch with her even though that was almost 3 years ago. She is retiring this year and what a loss for our school district.

Everything was fine and both parties came to and understanding. That is until the administrators and counselor got involved! That’s when the uproar started! They wanted to put him in anger management class, group therapy and who knows what else! They went a couple of rounds with me (and hubby) and decided maybe they were a little hasty! Ya think!?!?

My son and this girl actually came out of this as friends. She called the house one weekend just to say “hi”! Girls calling the house, still not ready for that one!

The fourth grade class at this school always has a field trip to St Augustine, Fl. I was looking forward to going as a chaperone. (I have to because of his diabetes.) Then, in October, just weeks before the trip, my son broke his leg. Badly. Both bones in his lower leg, one near the ankle, one near the knee. Practically a full leg cast at first so he was in a wheelchair.  The trip was a no go. He overheard this girl tell the teacher she couldn’t go cause her parents didn’t have the money to pay the fee for her to go. He came home that day and sat us down and asked if we could pay for her to go in his place. We are by no means well off but we had planned to go and set aside the money.

I went down and talked to his teacher and told her his idea and would that be possible. I thought she was going to cry. She contacted the parents and simply told them that there were sponsors available and the money was there for her to go. We put a few extra dollars in so she could buy something at the gift shop (for herself) and wouldn’t feel left out. A couple of days after the trip, I picked son up and he had a paper bag in his hand. I asked “What do you have there?” Not 1, not 2 but 3 St Augustine figurines and such from other girl classmates, including his friend. He told her after the trip what we had done and she could keep the item she had bought but she wanted him to have it. The school mascot was a dolphin and this was a small snow globe with a dolphin in it.

Sound like a bully to you? Nope, me either!!


Posted by on June 4, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Forbidden Covers




Twisted Mix Tape         Forbidden Covers       


Yes I am a little bit mixed up and confused but trust me there is madness to my method—wait, is that how that’s supposed to go? Anyhoo, I missed last week even though I did have a couple of ideas rattling around in my head. Then  when this week rolled around, I realized I could kill two weeks with one post. Multi-tasking blogging! What will we think of next???


So, without further ado, here is my Twisted Mix Tape Forbidden Covers ———- I think we’re alone now-Tommy James and the Shondells and Tiffany

This song pretty much covers a large part of my life! The first version came out in 1967, the year before I was born. The second came out in 1987, the year after I graduated high school! Yes I really am THAT old!!! It talks about young love and trying to find a place to be alone. Children behave—-sorry, not in my vocabulary!!! ————– Come Together– Aerosmith

This is my second cover song and forbidden love. Why forbidden? Would you want to love up on someone like this description in this song? Maybe not forbidden but definitely strange. My son loves this song and this whole soundtrack to tell the truth. I had it on in the CD player of my truck when I was taking him to school.  He has listened to it so often that he knows what track number his favorite songs are. Don’t know if I should be proud or worried. He also loves the ZZ Top track LA Grange (thank goodness he doesn’t “get” what they are talking about) and Aerosmith’s Sweet Emotion! ————–What Kind of Love are you On–Aerosmith

Who wouldn’t love this song? Kiss on the devil and piss off a saint! Done that more than once in my life!!! 😉 This is just a fun, rockin’ song! Nothing overly suggestive in this song, well except for Jack and Jill goin up that hill, wonder what they were doin’??!! You know it ain’t cool but ya like it like that!!! Yep that about sums it up! ——–Roll Me Away– Bob Seger

Roll me away! How many times in my life have I wished for that myself? Even when I had my own bike, I was tempted more than once to just roll that power on! In those days I didn’t have kids at home but I was still a reasonable  responsible adult. I had a full time job, had financial obligations and had to conduct myself like an adult (most of the time). I was always the one who said I would never grow up!! Somebody lied to me somewhere along the line! This shit is not what I signed up for!!!


Hope everyone enjoys my Twisted, mixed up Mix tape!!!


Posted by on March 18, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Know the Damn Difference!!



What I really want to scream out loud is…….if you are going to offer advice on diabetes care, KNOW THE DAMN DIFFERENCE! 

There are two types of diabetes, Type 1, which used to be call juvenile diabetes, and Type 2 which used to be referred to as Adult Onset. The major difference is Type 1 comes from the pancreas shutting down and not producing insulin. Type 2 however is the bodies inability to use insulin properly. The pancreas still works but the body does not use or absorb the insulin correctly. That is why Type 2 can sometimes be controlled with diet and exercise. Type 1 however CANNOT be controlled. Insulin has to be given, either through a shot or a pump, into the body.   You cannot reverse Type 1 and it cannot be controlled by diet. It doesn’t matter what you eat, your pancreas still is not producing the insulin your body needs to use the food correctly.



Let me go back and explain where this journey started. My dear darling son was diagnosed 3 years ago with Type 1 diabetes. We had no idea what was going on and this came completely out of left field. He was a normal, active 8 year old when he started drinking water constantly, wetting the bed on occasion and loosing weight. At first we didn’t realize anything was wrong. He was growing, he was almost 5 foot tall at the time and we at first thought he was just thinning out because he was getting taller. When dark rings started showing below his eyes, it was time to do something.

My hubby took him to his pediatrician since I was at work. I had taken him in a few months prior and he weighed around 100 lbs. They thought something was wrong with the scale when he got on. They re-calibrated it and even had him get on another scale. He was 86 lbs!!! (Wish I could loose weight that fast!)    The doc took a urine sample and told hubby that he thought they were looking at diabetes. He sent them to one of our local hospitals so he could get a blood test and get results immediately.  They had to drive past my work so they stopped in, told me what was going on and said they would stop by when they got done. It was close to lunchtime and it was Friday payday so we were going to go grab something when they got done. 

When they returned to my job, hubby had already gotten a call from the doctor’s office instructing us to go to USF Diabetes Center in Tampa. We live about 2 hours from Tampa and with this being Friday afternoon, we asked if there was anyway we could call and schedule next week. We were told no, we need to go NOW, they were expecting us and realized it would be later that afternoon. I left work telling my boss I’d call him later.

By the time we got to Tampa, needless to say we were baffled and confused. Neither of us had had any dealings with diabetes and we had no idea what was going on!! We learned very quickly we had a sick little boy on our hands and we were probably within days of him becoming violently ill and rushed to the emergency room. That is where 80% of children are diagnosed!!! We were told if his blood sugar had gotten any higher (it was 647) he could have gone into a diabetic coma!!!! I had no idea what normal blood sugar readings were supposed to be and when they told my between 100-125, I nearly fell off my chair!!! 

It has been an interesting trip these past couple of years, but thanks to the wonderful care he has received, he is doing wonderful! He handled all this like a trooper and I think he handled the news and all the instructions better than hubby and I did!!! When the nurse asked him if he understood what was going on and what we were all talking about, his response warmed my heart! He said, “Yep this is serious and we’ll just have to deal with it and do the best we can!” 


So, back to the beginning of my rant. If you don’t know the difference, don’t offer advice from something you heard on the radio or saw on the internet!!!! There are so many bogus claims out there with claims of eliminating diabetes or reverse the dependence on insulin. Some of these snake oil, home remedy, voo-doo potions might work for Type 2 (but I wouldn’t count on it) but they absolutely will not work for Type 1. Untill they come up with a cure or can develop an artificial pancreas (both of which they are working hard on) insulin treatment is the only thing that is going to  help someone who has bee diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic. 


This has been my submission for “Finish the Sentence Friday! And I actually got it posted on Friday!!!! Yay me!!! I’ve been working on another Twisted Mix Tape but my video cable for the interweb got wrapped around my yardarm and I’m having a devil of a time putting videos in my post!!!

Enjoy your weekend and I hope everyone has smooth sailing, warm breezes and grand adventures!  


Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Walking Away (A Poem)

Walking Away (A Poem)

I understand now
What you were trying to say
I did not see it
Till you went away

Don’t walk away from me he says
But I know no other way
I want you to stay he says
But I just walk away

Do you say what you mean
Do you mean what you say
Help me understand
Just don’t go away

I don’t know what to say
He wants me in his life
But I can only walk away
I can not be his wife

We can get through this
Slowly day by day
Together we can
Each and every day

What can I do
I can not say
I know not what to do
So I just walk away

I don’t write poetry very often but every once in a while, something gets to rattling around in my head (sort of like a marble in a shoe box) and I have to try and work it out. Hopefully this makes more sense to you it does to me.

This is my contribution this week to the Creative Buzz Hop!! This week’s topic is choice! Thanks Tamara and crew for having me again!!


Posted by on March 5, 2014 in Uncategorized


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Love Defies all

Welcome to the home of Brandi MacCurdy, author of The Destined Series

Chanda Kauffman-Harley

A Collection of My Poetry & Prose

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Writer - Mental Health Survivor - Advocate

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A place to express myself through writing. a way to make sense of it all. Life as I see it.

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A case of chronic dichotomy

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Writing to Discover My Self In the World

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Darla Halyk

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Trans stuff. Ranting. Social justice. Big clocks.

An Honest Sinner

Because nobody likes a lying saint

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home of Dilettante Publishing and the diverse creative outlet of HK Abell

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Serins has left the building